


Exhausted

by SpecialWings



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Comforts, Hurts - Freeform, M/M, jeonboo, other members mentioned - Freeform, slight angst, why it turned out like this, wonboo, wonkwan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 10:32:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14747174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpecialWings/pseuds/SpecialWings
Summary: It seemed everything didn't work for Seungkwan these days. Everything kept piling up and he finally crumbled down.Fortunately for him, his roommate was there for him.





	Exhausted

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, this was inspired by the Seventeen Director's Cut Plot Version photos of Seungkwan and Wonwoo. I imagined them as roommates/flatmates. However, I didn't know why this piece turned out like this. I apologize in advance.

**Heavy. He felt everything so heavy.**

Seungkwan let out a sigh. He had a rough day. These days he felt that everything didn’t go his ways. First, he had that group presentation where he was the only one that did the work, but the others claimed his hard work. He barely got any sleep, fixing up the paper and presentation that were still in mess. This group work weight almost 50% for his final grade. Moreover, his professor really paid attention to the group score. Ugh, and his groupmates successfully made them look like a fool. He also couldn’t really tattle about his group mates to the professor as he knew already that this professor would only look at the final result instead of the progress. Seungkwan couldn’t afford to fail this class. He really needed to pass this course to maintain his scholarship. More importantly, he did not want to disappoint his mother. Therefore, he let himself be used and did his best to get the best results.

Now he was on his way home. He just finished his shift in the campus café. Again, during his work, he seemed to make mistakes. He mixed up a customer’s order then he almost broke several cups because of his clumsiness. All of these small things kept piling up. Seungkwan could feel the stress built up inside. The way home felt longer than ever. His gloomy thoughts weighed him down and slowed his pace. It had been a long day for him.

He felt like crying. But he did not want to cry, he did not want to fuss over these frustrations he felt. He was out in public and he would come home soon to his roommate. He didn’t want to show his weak self to others. He felt that when he broke down all his wall would fall and he would crumble down to pieces. He would have no strength to build himself again when all pieces fell.

 He was the strong pillar. He would be the one that always smiled and let others lean on him. He was full of compassion to others, always being there for his friends. Now he thought who would be there for him. He didn’t even have the energy to smile. Especially when his insecurities were kept being poked around these days, especially today.

Seungkwan opened the door to his apartment and mumbled an ‘I am home’. The room was still dark. It seemed his roommate wasn’t home. Seungkwan made a beeline to his room and then straight to the shower after taking some fresh clothes. He hoped a long warm shower would relieve him from these fatigues and pent-up stress.

The water from his shower hid his tears. Inside the privacy of his bathroom, he could release a bit of his pent-up feelings. He bit his lips to muffle the sound he made. He spent almost an hour inside. When he went out, he felt a little bit better or he hoped so.

Seungkwan took two bags of chips and walked to the sofa in the living room. Foods and some movies would usually bring his mood up. Ah, it seemed his roommate had already come back.

“Hyung,” Seungkwan greeted.

“Eoh, Seungkwan-ah,” The older glanced from his game console to look at Seungkwan. “You took a lot of time there.” Seungkwan just shrugged as an answer and plopped down beside his roommate. He then turned on the TV, kept changing the channel until he found his favorite drama was on re-run. Seungkwan opened the chips and started eating. Although his gaze was on the TV, his mind was still replaying certain event that happened today. Actually, the appearance of his roommate just reminded him a little about the jabs on his insecurities. No, he didn’t blame his hyung. He just felt… sensitive to everything. A single poke would make him crumble down. Seungkwan once again lost on his thoughts. His hands and mouth worked on autopilot, kept stuffing himself with chips.

They fell into comfortable silence, the room was only filled with the sound of the TV, the game from the Nintendo Switch, and mumbles from the boy that was playing the game. However, Seungkwan was startled by a loud shout from beside him. He glanced at his hyung that really obsessed with games.

“You lost?” asked Seungkwan.

“Um,” was the reply.

“An important quest? A boss fight?”

“Nope. Just levelling up and collecting points, but there was a glitch,” Seungkwan could clearly hear the pout and disappointment from the voice. He then stretched his hand that holding one bag of chips, offering his snack as a consolation.

“Thank you.” The offer was received, the older one took several chips. “Ugh, now I need to restart the game, and lost those progress I already made.” He put the chips on his mouth and restarted the game.

Seungkwan then decided to pay attention to his hyung instead of the TV. He scooted closer.

“More?” asked him.

“Yes please.” Wonwoo opened his mouth, asking to be fed. Seungkwan proceeded to feed his hyung more chips while Wonwoo was busy with the console.

“YES! It was autosaved further than I thought. Thank God, I don’t need to start from zero again.” Wonwoo exclaimed.

‘How nice if I had a restart button in my life and getting a better outcome for my life.’ Seungkwan thought bitterly.

Seungkwan looked at his hyung’s features. Handsome face with black hair, tall, ideal body, smart, kind, and popular. Sometimes he wondered how he could be surrounded by wonderful and beautiful people, how they stick around him, wondered whether they thought he was a burden.

Again, his hand was on autopilot, kept feeding his hyung and himself. He went back to his musings. His insecurities were at the peak after today’s event.

He overheard some people talking about him and they fed his insecurities. His overthinking self also kept thinking about some gestures his groupmates made.

_‘Thanks Seungkwan, Glad that we have you.” Said one of his groupmate while walking away with the others. It was then followed by a whisper from another boy, ‘thankfully we got a teacher’s pet in our team. It seems we can pass easily this time.’ They laughed. “Yeah, sure we are fine. He’s on scholarship, isn’t he? Must be some nerd.”_

_Ah, he forgot that actually his group mates were from the same circle. At that time Seungkwan could feel his blood boiled. Seungkwan just had enough. Have you ever felt that you were so angry that tears started to gather on your eyes? How could they talk like that? They didn’t know his struggles to maintain this scholarship. They didn’t know that he was slipping, on his end of rope to maintain the scholarship. And they just made it worse._

_Seungkwan gritted his teeth. He then bit his lip, trying to hold back sharps words that on the tip of his tongue. He didn’t want to make a scene. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and turned his body away from them. He then gathered his belongings and walked away._

“Ugh, this keeps lagging,” grumbled Wonwoo. “I think the storage almost full. Better to get some backup and format the memory,” mumbled him again.

‘Ah how nice it would be if I could format my feelings and have a fresh start without these emotional baggages, just like how we can easily format a memory storage,’ thought Seungkwan again.

Wonwoo put the game console away. He gave up on playing, the disturbances made him annoyed. Playing games supposed to entertain him, not making him annoyed. He then glanced at the other boy on sofa who had one of his hand inside the chip bags but seemed to lose in his thoughts. Moreover, those thoughts seemed to make the boy gloomy. Wonwoo grinned, perhaps he could find entertainment from the younger boy and perhaps at the same time he could make the younger boy stop thinking those unnecessary things that made him so gloomy. Wonwoo knew how Seungkwan often overthinks and caught on his web of thoughts.

“Oof!” Seungkwan was startled. He blinked and found his lap full of Wonwoo. The older boy head was on his lap and the chips were gone. Seungkwan almost got angry. He was so sensitive right now and he didn’t want to be touched. His anger would bubble up and burst.

“Hyung-!” He raised his voice but cut himself. He was tired and didn’t want to start another fight. He would just crumble down and become a crying mess.

“What? Let me take a short nap,” replied Wonwoo.

“You are heavy.” Seungkwan huffed. “There are fluffy pillows around you, just use them instead of my lap or better just go to your room it is already late.”

“Your lap is also soft and more comfy, Kwan.” Seungkwan rolled his eyes instead. Then he looked down at his hyung. Wonwoo had closed his eyes. Seungkwan let out a sigh. He got a better look at his hyung’s handsome face. Sharp nose and jaws. Beautiful lip and set of eyebrows. He knew Wonwoo was popular among girls. Not only Wonwoo, but also his other friends such as Mingyu, Vernon, and Seungcheol. This train of thoughts brought him back to the event in his workplace.

_Seungkwan was working in the campus café which meant there were a lot of people who knew him coming around his working place. That didn’t necessarily mean they were all his friends._

_Seungkwan’s shift almost ended. He was the last one to close up the café. He just put the closed sign and went back to the back room to gather the cleaning equipment and start cleaning from the back. He was busy cleaning that he didn’t realize some people went into the café. He just realized it when he heard hushed voices and giggles. Seungkwan walked to tell them that the café had already closed but his steps stopped when he heard their conversations._

_“How clumsy you are to leave your important notes behind, Min!” A female scolded in hushed voices._

_Some giggles. Another voice spoke, “It must be because she is so smitten with that gentleman, Joshua.”_

_“Shut up, Krys!” Another one piped up in embarrassment._

_“Too bad that he left early and left us with that unattractive gay.” Some sighs were heard._

_“Yup, that Boo Seungkwan is surely lucky to be surrounded by handsome and hot guys. His roommate is even Jeon freaking Wonwoo. Like how lucky he is. I want to be him.”_

_“That’s so funny tho, the quiet boy Wonwoo with the loud attention-seeker boy. I wonder how Wonwoo could stand that loud boy. He must have a lot of patience.”_

_“Yeah, I sometimes wonder how that gay boy could have some hot guys in his circle of friend. Don’t tell me they are gay too?!” Gasps were heard._

_“No! I don’t want to accept this possibility.”_

_“But even if they are gays, I don’t think someone will end up with Boo Seungkwan. Don’t you guys see that when the other started to become more ripped and firm he just get chubbier and fatter? They won’t even look at him.” More giggles erupted._

_“But don’t the chubby cheeks look cute? Make you want to poke him.” Sudden silence, the three girls look at each other._

_“Hmph. As if,” they bursted into laughter again._

_Seungkwan didn’t want to hear more slander about him. He made some noises to announce his presence. He then cleared his throat._

_“I am sorry we are already closed. What can I help you with, girls?” Seungkwan’s voice full of fake sweetness with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes._

_Those girls were startled and flustered. One of them stammered in response. “U..um.. we l-left something and want to get it?”_

_“Did you find it? Do you need some help?” asked Seungkwan._

_Another girl raised her hand that held a purple notebook, showing the thing that they were looking for. “We found it. Don’t worry”_

_“Glad that you find it then. But I’m sorry girls, I need to close up and go home soon, I hope you don’t mind to help me finish my work by being kind and cooperative customers. Please come again in another time.”_

_One of the girls snorted. “We just about to go. Don’t worry prick.” She mumbled the last word. She then left, followed by the other two._

_“Thank you. Please come again soon.” Seungkwan shouted after them._

_Seungkwan’s heart clenched. Another day another insult. This was not the first time he heard this kind of insults and talked about him. But still, those words pained him. What pained him more were that they brought his hyungs and friends. Seungkwan was afraid that his presence would bring shame to his friends, would smear their reputations. Seungkwan couldn’t handle it if he would be a reason for other people to start hating his friends because of some rumors._

_Things seemed to now work in his ways. He wanted to be alone, but he would get so lonely. He kept sighing. All of his problems kept piling up from his academic life, his work life, and even his social life. He felt his body heavy and sluggish. A day felt longer, the walk home seemed longer. He got easily annoyed. He tried to convince himself that everything would get better, but instead, he felt like he would burst into tears._

“Kwan-ah” No response. A poke to the stomach. Still no response. Another poke. Still silence.

“Kwan, a penny of your thoughts?” Wonwoo asked again, seeing the frown on the younger’s face. Still no response. He then poked Seungkwan’s waist softly. Nope, still no reaction. Wonwoo decided to use more force on his poke and did it more insistently.

Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Po- His wrist was suddenly caught firmly.

“What hyung?!” asked Seungkwan heatedly. He was exhausted mentally and physically, and here his hyung kept bothering and provoking him. His face showed that he was annoyed and upset.

“What’s wrong, Kwan?” Wonwoo asked back. Seungkwan seemed to realize his outburst.

“Nothing.” He answered curtly.

“That doesn’t seem like nothing,” replied Wonwoo, still from Seungkwan’s lap. Seungkwan looked away, avoiding Wonwoo’s eyes.

“Kwan, looked at me.” Seungkwan refused. He closed his eyes and tried to do the breath exercise to calm himself. He didn’t want to explode and fight.

“Boo Seungkwan,” Wonwoo called his full name, making Seungkwan flinched. “Look at me.” Wonwoo reached out his hand to grab Seungkwan’s cheek, but Seungkwan slapped it away in reflect and screamed “I said nothing is wrong Hyung! Stop provoking me, maybe that’s what wrong.”  Angry tears almost fell, but Seungkwan still refused them to fall. Instead, both Seungkwan and Wonwoo fell into tense silence.

Wonwoo started to sit up and broke the silence again. “What’s the problem, Kwan?” asked him softly.

“Nothing, hyung,” he mumbled. Seungkwan still refused to open his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“This seems like a huge thing Seungkwan. It’s okay to let it all out,” Wonwoo reached out his hand again to Seungkwan’s face. Seungkwan stilled himself, he was sorry that he slapped his hyung’s hand and shouted at him before. But he couldn’t stop the flinch.

Wonwoo then caressed Seungkwan’s cheek softly. He brought another hand to cup both of Seungkwan’s cheeks. Wonwoo then leaned his forehead and put it onto Seungkwan’s.

“I believe in you. I am proud of you. You’re doing great. You are wonderful and beautiful. You are a gift in my life. Just take a break, I understand.” Wonwoo just kept whispering comforts and encouraging words. This that finally put the last hit to Seungkwan’s cracking wall.

Hot tears started to fall down. Wonwoo wiped them with his thumbs. However, they kept coming out. Seungkwan started to make noises and choked on his tears.

“Ssshh, it’s okay… I’m here, Seungkwan-ah.” Wonwoo kissed Seungkwan’s under his right eye, kissing those tears away. “You are not alone,” whispered him softly. That last sentence instead made Seungkwan crumbled down and full-blown sobbing. Wonwoo pulled Seungkwan into his arms, embracing him. Seungkwan hid his face on Wonwoo’s chest and started letting his worries out to the world.

“I… I.. am exhausted hyung,” A choked sob. “Everything doesn’t go well…. E—everything.. is a mess.. My life is a mess..” The sob got harder. Wonwoo caressed Seungkwan’s back and made calming circles. Seungkwan’s cry also broke his heart. He didn’t mean to provoke Seungkwan and made him more upset. However, he thought it was better for Seungkwan to let it all out instead of bottled them up.

 “H-H-hyung? Am.. Am I that unattractive? Am I ugly and fat? Does it make me undeserving of you and others friendship? Does it make me I hurt people unknowingly?” Wonwoo felt his blood boiled. Someone had hurt his sweet and soft Seungkwan. They poked at his insecurities. He strengthened his hold on Seungkwan’s back, securing the precious boy on his arms. He wanted to protect the boy from the harsh and cruel world.

“A..a.m I a disappointment? I.. I keep making a mess… I’m a failure” Wonwoo felt like his heart was punched. His heart cried along with Seungkwan. This pure boy deserved the world, how could some people made him believe the otherwise. This sweet boy able to made the people around him smile and cheer up. He was the one that also became the strong pillar for others. He was always there for the people he cared for. He prioritized others before him, paying attention to others needs before himself. He was attentive and caring, giving the right attention to each of his precious one, knowing when someone was not included and then tried to put the focus on them while he went back into the background smiling. He knew what Wonwoo wanted and needed without him had to say it. He didn’t force Wonwoo to talk and instead filled the silence with his beautiful voices. But Seungkwan also know the time to let Wonwoo and others talk. When he felt someone grew distant, he would be the first one to reach out and tried to fix it. Why couldn’t people see that Seungkwan was a pure-hearted boy? Why those people insulted and sent him hate instead of love that he deserved?

 “A.am I.. I. a burden?” Seungkwan finally looked up and stared directly at Wonwoo’s eyes. His gaze showed that he was sincerely asking, that he was afraid of the answer, that he almost believed what came out from his mouth right now. It was like Seungkwan started to lose himself and questioning himself.

“No,” Wonwoo choked out. He was also full of emotions. “No, you are not and you will never be,” Wonwoo said again, this time full of conviction. “You are beautiful. You are precious. You are important. You will never be a burden. Like I said before, I am proud of you. You’ve done so well, making it this far. It’s okay to take a break. Let’s take a break together. I don’t want to lose you Seungkwan. I need you. I will keep saying these words until you believe me,” Wonwoo finished his words by peppering Seungkwan’s face with kisses.

“But hyung..they…”

“Sshh, believe me like I believe in you.” Wonwoo said staring directly at Seungkwan’s eyes, trying to convey all his love to the boy in front of him. He wanted to show the boy in front of him that he deserves the world, that those people didn’t really know his worth which also meant they didn’t deserve Seungkwan.

“Don’t try to fit into other people’s world, cause you already fit into mine and of course your own world.” Wonwoo smiled cheekily, successfully made Seungkwan to crack a small smile.

“And I know another thing that fits perfectly,” added Wonwoo. Seungkwan raised his eyebrow silently asking, his sobbing already ceased.

“Our lips.” Seungkwan groaned but didn’t refuse when Wonwoo leaned and put their lips together.

That night they slept in each other arms, giving comfort to each other. Seungkwan finally could let himself relax a little. He slept with the knowledge that he was loved and important. Furthermore, the next day held a promise of Wonwoo peppering him with love and care.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> ugh... again I didn't know how this happened. I swear I was about to write fluff in which Wonwoo and Seungkwan joked around as roommates. Wonwoo played games on the couch, where Seungkwan ate chips, occasionally fed Wonwoo, and they also teased each other, those kinds of fluff.  
> Furthermore, I don't know how to end this, so yeah, sorry for that half-assed ending. Still, I hope you enjoyed this.


End file.
